Monday, June 1, 2009

what a month does.

well. its been a month of being jobless.

I dont even know if I wanna get started on how agravating it is! I've had four different of the jobs im still waiting to see if I got it or not, but so far this company isnt getting their shit together. then, i got a interview for something else on friday and I really so far think thatd be the best for me... but i havent interviewed yet, so i sorta have no idea at the same time. so far day by day, i sit at home. or sit at the pool and tan. or main focus- job hunt. which when there isnt much theres only so much you can do. there's so nothing to do in beaumont! ugh. i feel sorta helpless, sorta lonely, and a definite loser right now, cuz of the days when justin comes home with me still wearing my pajamas.

another funny thing. no one reads this shit. haha. but thats why i decided a few things....since i am pretty sure i will be without any friends. i wanna try to write a book. or get a start on it. i have been going through my old blogs/journals and it makes me laugh...and almost wanna cry a little. everyone has a story to tell, i just need to figure out how to tell it. i know its so many people's dream to do this but for once i want to accomplish something. then- theres a good college here. i don know how long well be here, but i wanna go. i want at least to get a associates. it took me loooong enough to decide that i want to try to do get this done. lots of other people who are really stupid in my book have dont this so i know i can.

the next realization ive come to is that im alot smarter than i let on, or people think. i will continue to thrive on people not believing in me, and not thinking i can do things. i said this in one of my interviews. the one job i did get, which happened to only pay $7 an hour, (i shoulda taken it for the time being) and I think she liked that i said this. i really do feel this way.

oh yeah. one more. I have just watched true blood season 1. OMG. it starts in 2 weeks for season 2. I cant wait! this show rules!!!!

had i ever mentioned my sister is pregnant? well yeah.
are you asking, wasnt she just married las year? yeah.
was the pregnancy planned? mmmhmm.
am i in charge of planning yet another party for her in which none of my family members think I am capable of? yes. sigh. but there's that new found revelation ive had thats going to work. i guess.

i have gotten worried about never getting my chance for a so-called REAL adult life. i know my sister likes being in the limelight. everything seems to be all about her all the time. i dont want to be the forever single girl in my families' eyes. i am seeing more and more people around me getting married and/or having kids. i want that one day. and im not saying "someday" I want that in the near future. I get scared justin doesnt want to provide that. then on the other side i see my old friends going out partying, meeting new people, and having fun. I'm having fun but its different than them. I feel like I'm forever not there and i havent really bettered my situation by moving here. i dont know. i dont know where my heart is at with this shit. only time will tell. what i do know is that justin told me over the weekend that if he ever gets married/ he takes things slowly/ takes him time to do so. im not gonna wait forever. i dont expect alot in the marriage dept. but I do want it to happen. I do want to at least share that excitement with someone one day and I dont think i should act like its not important for at least that. its not "just a piece of paper" its not just "getting to wear the dress" even though thatd be cool. haha.

well. I gonna close. I dont know why i havent taken this time to get the chance to do more blogging. I mean I HAVE been a little busy. busy being anxious for my new chapter in life to start.

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