On a good work day....

my desk looks like this....(and thats a good day for real)




and I look like this.....(not toooooo bad)

ok then.

today so far has been half bad. so I guess I gotta work tomorrow for 4 hours. I plan on fucking off, and bringing a book/magazine and maybe even posting to my bloggy blog! Ijust got my new digi yesterday and now all I want is to go take photos with it. But where? Its sorta funny, I can honestly say there is NOTHING to do here in beaumont. Like I'm not joking. Even Justin will say it and he tries to get me off being negative about being here. Imagine yourself being somewhere where the 3 places you really ever went was Home, Work, and The Grocery Store. yep, thats here. Its weird to think about, but its pretty true. I ask everyone, what do you do here? Evryone says, "go to Houston" wow. Helpful.

Either way, my job as of today is getting better. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty good at what I do. I work quickly and sufficiently, and that what they want. Including the face that I am also I fast learner. I was never like this in High School. Why did I have to bloom so late in the brain department? Bummer.

I have also been having so WACKASS dreams....last night I had a dream about my teddy. Teddy i believe hasnt been feeling really good lately, and it pretty obvious. Since at the moment I'm a loser and I have no money, I had set up a vet appt for him for tomorrow, but I had to reschedule for two weeks from now, since I have to work tomorrow and 'I'm broke. Well the latest dream was that teddy was running around like literally a mad CAT and had I big shard of glass cutting everyone with around him. I stopped teddy and gently pulled the glass out of his throat. I was very horrific dude. Its a sign to me. Teddy doesnt feel good. And I feel like a shithead for not being able to do something till now. Ugh.
The next dream was that I was something about not being with Justin and then something happened where it made me see how Justin was the one for me. Basically the point of that one was that he really is the one for me. Sigh.....I wish we were still in honeymoon period. That was so exciting. Everything is so new. But as soon as we get out of this town we'll get a whole new adventure, cuz we most likely will NOT be moving back to houston. that right. NOT MOVING back to houston. I cant wait to see where life takes us though!

wish me luck. somebody.

today i saw an ad that seemed like a good lead for a leasing agent position. so im going to go apply for that today. the job that was basically for the same thing I had applied for 3 weeks ago that I had 2 interviews for STILL hasnt called me back after the manager was like, "it looks good for you, and the next person thats interviewing you her is 'so an so' and she just hasnt called since her father as been ill" yada yada yada. well that was like last week on thursday or something. i just feel a little duped. but whatever, i gotta keep movin on. so tomorrow i have an interview and today i'm applying. wish me luck. even though no one read this. lol.

oh yeah.

Ahhhhh! i also forgot to say my digi cam broke. so for like a while now i haven gotten to take any pics. i really want job. that way i can buy a new cam.

what a month does.

well. its been a month of being jobless.

I dont even know if I wanna get started on how agravating it is! I've had four different interviews.one of the jobs im still waiting to see if I got it or not, but so far this company isnt getting their shit together. then, i got a interview for something else on friday and I really so far think thatd be the best for me... but i havent interviewed yet, so i sorta have no idea at the same time. so far day by day, i sit at home. or sit at the pool and tan. or main focus- job hunt. which when there isnt much theres only so much you can do. there's so nothing to do in beaumont! ugh. i feel sorta helpless, sorta lonely, and a definite loser right now, cuz of the days when justin comes home with me still wearing my pajamas.

another funny thing. no one reads this shit. haha. but thats why i decided a few things....since i am pretty sure i will be without any friends. i wanna try to write a book. or get a start on it. i have been going through my old blogs/journals and it makes me laugh...and almost wanna cry a little. everyone has a story to tell, i just need to figure out how to tell it. i know its so many people's dream to do this but for once i want to accomplish something. then- theres a good college here. i don know how long well be here, but i wanna go. i want at least to get a associates. it took me loooong enough to decide that i want to try to do get this done. lots of other people who are really stupid in my book have dont this so i know i can.

the next realization ive come to is that im alot smarter than i let on, or people think. i will continue to thrive on people not believing in me, and not thinking i can do things. i said this in one of my interviews. the one job i did get, which happened to only pay $7 an hour, (i shoulda taken it for the time being) and I think she liked that i said this. i really do feel this way.

oh yeah. one more. I have just watched true blood season 1. OMG. it starts in 2 weeks for season 2. I cant wait! this show rules!!!!

had i ever mentioned my sister is pregnant? well yeah.
are you asking, wasnt she just married las year? yeah.
was the pregnancy planned? mmmhmm.
am i in charge of planning yet another party for her in which none of my family members think I am capable of? yes. sigh. but there's that new found revelation ive had thats going to work. i guess.

i have gotten worried about never getting my chance for a so-called REAL adult life. i know my sister likes being in the limelight. everything seems to be all about her all the time. i dont want to be the forever single girl in my families' eyes. i am seeing more and more people around me getting married and/or having kids. i want that one day. and im not saying "someday" I want that in the near future. I get scared justin doesnt want to provide that. then on the other side i see my old friends going out partying, meeting new people, and having fun. I'm having fun but its different than them. I feel like I'm forever not there and i havent really bettered my situation by moving here. i dont know. i dont know where my heart is at with this shit. only time will tell. what i do know is that justin told me over the weekend that if he ever gets married/ he takes things slowly/ takes him time to do so. im not gonna wait forever. i dont expect alot in the marriage dept. but I do want it to happen. I do want to at least share that excitement with someone one day and I dont think i should act like its not important for at least that. its not "just a piece of paper" its not just "getting to wear the dress" even though thatd be cool. haha.

well. I gonna close. I dont know why i havent taken this time to get the chance to do more blogging. I mean I HAVE been a little busy. busy being anxious for my new chapter in life to start.

boredom

I'm at work. And imbored.I think I'll be posting new blogs a whole lot more. Its so weird leaving this job cuz I really like it and usually when I leave a job I'm pretty damn estatic about it. But I'm sad, its bittersweet....because I pretty much just spend time on the computer at work now....trying to get leases for my favorite coworker wendy.

Justin gave me roses yesterday for our 1 year anniverary. I still cant believe its been this long and every time I see him, I still feel like its the first time, I still get excited like we just started dating a week ago. I guess thats what its all about or whats supposed to happen. We hung out at Agora (i will miss that place and I just started going there) and then we went to my sisters and had wedding cake to celebrate our anniverary since allison's wedding is where we met. We discussed how funny our first meeting was and how we were so scared to approach each other, or more so I was, he just doesnt usually approach girls.

tonight we are going to my favorite nice restaurant, benjy's I'm pretty excited cuz we never have gone anywhere to eat really nice. I just heard that lindsey is moving back. That's good. Def. good for melissa. But me and linz still havent mended shit out. Thats the one person I want to talk to to fix shit with is here. Sometimes I would think I dont miss her at all but I when I set my own stupid immature shit aside I totally miss her friendship. I wish we could just let go of our stupid grudges.

well thats it....I am excited for life at the moment!

XXI

yeah so I went there today to "shop" and tried on a good amount....at first when i came in i was ready to turn around and leave...it was a little too over whelming with too much stuff to look at. but being the natural shopper i am, i found alot of stuff and I went tried it on, and damn it all fit perfectly!!!

well i ended buying one piece. only cuz i plan on just going back next week, when i know how much i can spend, after i see how i do at work over the next few days. i guess i was just happy because i remember the first time i ever went in there with my sister. i was fat. and NOTHING fit me. it was depressing. I'm proud of myself. I think Im sorta in a good place now. theres really no explaining it, and Id like to think thats how it is when youre truly in a better place. there really isnt any negativity in my life right now. i mean i worry about things sometimes...but as far as negative people. i'm good.

tomorrow night i'm going to be celebrating my new jobdom. every day at work gets worse and worse...i now laugh at people's stupidity when before i would have just gotten pissed off. and my manager is still a moron. muahahaha. and the new guy jason is one of the worst people i have come across in a really long time. i cant wait to tell him to grow a personality on my last day. the other day he says to me, when i PAINFULLY tried to make small talk i asked him what he did last night, "uhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeahh i went to this plaaaaaaaaace its caaaaaaaaallllled bonnnnnnnnnd." (read that out loud and thats how he always talks. I'm like, "no way. i have no idea what that is." jeeezus christ. fuckin idiot.

anyways. i'm done bitching for the day.

anxious

hmmmm. all i gotta say is the next week and half will be tough...not to mention the week after that will be weird...i got a week and a half of old job which day one was soooo hard, and then i start the new job, which yes, i will admit i am nervous about. I already wanna talk shit to every stupid retard who comes in to mess up the department and say stupid shit. I will NEVER EVER miss folding tshirts, or sizing jeans, or merchandising clothes. and to think that what i wanted my career to be. you gotta get really lucky to get one of the good jobs. and they are super hard to come by. I think if I was to work in retail the only thing ill do again is work in a boutique. yeah.

gratification

so i need to throw myself a mohterfuckin party cuz I got the job!!!!!

not much to say right now cuz im so happy...but im annoyed abit cuz my paerents arent as happy for me as i wish they would be. too many questions. i know they are happy but seriously questions later,lets look on the bright side. I wont be stuck folding for hours on end during the holidays!!! thats fucking amazing. if youve never worked retail during the holidays i would strongly suggest to never ever do it.
so for the next two weeks im gonna sell like a fuckin crazy person and never worry because i wont get hit with the returns later.

next OOB is business casual clothing....oh shit. this will be tough. but i plan on putting my own twist on it.

and then for the neeeeeeed of the day i have discovered: nintendo DS

i was at best buy in beaumont today and played it for like 30 minutes. i love it. i WILL be purchasing one in the next month. it was awesome.

naughty

dude. i took the piss test today and I have never encountered such an unhappy person in their line of work. unless they tell her to act like that, i dont know. haha. I wanted to laugh at how just serious, and mean and monotone this bitch was. I mean I was drug testing for employment not a court order!!! its not like I was a delinquent! but i sure was being treated like one. owell. life experience. I hope ihope i hope iget this job and they offer me good pay...i decided if it doesnt offer what I had in mind then its not meant for me.

last night me and justin went and saw zack and miri make a porno...dude I totally loved it. seth rogan is always fantasticly funny and I just love love love elizabeth banks. there were so many sexual instances with her that I have been in as well it was a movie that was easy to relate weirdly enough. well all for now.

different

so today, i got a call from an old friend. i had called him last night cuz i wanted to ask him some questions about his job.

He was friends with another one of my really old friends whom i no longer talk to anymore. Well, to really explain what im gettin at here, was he acted sorta like an asshole. I mean he was cool, but at the same time he had this aire (i hope i spelled that right) about him even over the phone. I asked about the old friend i havent talked to and it surprised me and even hurt me a little that they were still friends and her and I werent. It made me sad for a couple hours. I dont care if him i are close but the other old friend, I still care. its just one less person I dont have in my life anymore. And lets face it, i dont have that many friends any more. I'm not gonna lie either, its my fault for that. EVer since I moved back to houston the make new friends scene just aint happenin for me, and honestly theres not many i come come across to choose from. I still have a few of my old friends from hs which i love, but all of them have made new girlfriends and here i am still sittin back relying on them with all my shit when they have others they can still go to.

This weekend really put some other important shit in perspective for me. I WILL get a new job. Holy shit. I have this customer that comes in every day and has given all of us in the dept. gifts such as little canvas paintings and shit like that cuz he owns his own printing company. well let me just add that hes sorta crazy. crazy like he comes into the store and I'm pretty sure he almost ALWAYS on drugs. hes speech is always slurred and he just fuckin crazy. me and jaime emailed him our resumes cuz he offered to fix them up for us. andover the year we've all sorta become somewhat friends with him. well on saturday he came in and gave me a new painting and a necklace with a card. a lil weird yes, but i felt bad if didnt accept because hes the type who would freak out if I didnt take it. well later when I was on my way out, he called and jaime answered and he asked us if we wanted to go to dinner tonight. I dont know exactly what jaime said but it was something along the lines of "she has plans." well the customer freaked the fuck out told jaime, " he doesnt tolerate bein played. " and "he didnt know i had a boyfriend" when believe me, I always like to talk about justin and then, the worst part- "if she doesnt bring the stuff i gave her today back to work by 7pm tonight, he's calling the store manager and I can forget my job" well I read the note finally he gave me with the gifts and it was basically a lover letter, and I'm like oh shiiiit. We have a psycho on our hands. I havent been threatened like that by a guy in that way in a while and it brought back some baaaaad memories. So i'm really taking it seriously and I now HAVE to get a new job. that just took the cake especially when my own boss made me feel like I was being a drama queen over something serious. I mean, the dude walked in again yesterday and started talking shit about me directly behind me and also while i was with a customer and it was to my manger who did absolutely nothing. I couldnt stop crying and i just felt soooo uncomfortable and when I asked my boss if i could go home he made me feel like complete shit for it. So yeah that about sums up that I'm over it. no matter what I WILL make things happen for me.

THE END.

jaws

I only planned on taking half a vikadin from my dad's bathroom drawer today to ease the pain on my crooked jaw. But as of 10:15 tonight I gave in and took the other half and oh, great I gotta be in a 9am tomorrow. I was thinking I'd be in luck since the boss man wasnt scheduled to work tomorrow but when Jaime called me for our usual bitch-about-manny/jason-discussions he said manny plans on coming in. Fuck.

oh well.

I have an interview on thursday. I'm praying. I'm just very over the current. Even being at the top on the schedule isnt good enough for me because I KNOW he doesnt think I deserve it.

I'm not gonna scum my first bloggy blog about how I hate work. I'm so incredibly happy with everything else right now I worry is this ok? I think it is. I told mom today out of all the guys I dated and told her "i really like him so much" I 've never been able to say, "I think we're right for each other." This time I can say it and I actually believe it. Justin betters me, and because of him I look at the world differently. And THAT my friends, is awesome.

BTW- I figured I dont really have many hobbies, so I'm gonna pick up a few. This website will be one of them. Weeeeeeee.....go me.