Tuesday, September 15, 2009

its just personal

So, yesterday I took a personal day.

Of course, being new to my job, I had to say I was not feeling well, but in reality it was a much NEEDED personal day.

I had sort of a mediocre weekend, bue to me and justin arguing, over a few stupid petty things, but one of these things was definitely not petty. or stupid.

I always tell myself not to get too personal anymore with my blog, most people who dont know you, dont feel like reading personal things, they couldnt understand alot since they dont know you. But, today, I just need to do it.

I did something TOTALLY stupid and opened pandora's box and pretty much snooped and saw that my boyfriend of a year and a half, still texts his exgirlfriend whom he had previously dated for 5 yrs.

I was really upset. I will admit, when it comes to Justin, I am still so insecure about me and us. So many good things have come out of us being together, and sometimes, I feel like its too good to be true. Also, I'm definitely not the thinnest girl he's dated, and my weight, has always been a "weighty" issue. I know I need to just get over that, but its hard. I wish I was light and feathery like, I mean, damn, I'm a 6 or a 8 but I always feel like a 10 or a 12.

Justin explained that in the past, his ex talks to him about her problems, and he just lends an ear. Well, I totally disagreed with that. She has another boyfriend now....she already has someone that can be there for her. And it's not that I dont trust him, but I dont trust her. I dont know her, I only know of her, and what I do no isnt good,so lets just say I DO NOT want to meet her. ever.

Me and Justin need to be the ones being there for each other. I'm not selfish, but if our realtionship can ever grow, him and I need to continue to grow our bond, of being able to come to one another. And him giving her his time only hinders what we have going. Not to mention, I would like my trust in him to continue to grow. I just cant handle that girl having part of his present life. It hurts too much.

I chilled out yesterday, slept in late, cried a bit, ( i do look foward to a good cry sometimes) mailed out ebay purchases, and searched on the net for a new purse.

Today was already sweet since one of my work vendors took me and the other property managers for sushi.

Funny how so many people in Beaumont DONT eat sushi. I cant say I'm suprised....I tried something different, the hawaiian roll, a combo of calamari, avacado, cream cheese and banana. It was seriously fucking amazing. A party in my mouth!

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