almost there.....

so Im moving to Beaumont in exactly 1 week from today. so far packing has been almost cleansing for me. I have already gotten rid of my coffee table (which I really liked) and my first tv EVER that I had for my own room. (this lttle 19inch) and I've got like 2 garbage bags full of stuff I will giving to good will and I'm sure I'll be able to fill another bag before I go. The only ones making it hard for me to leave is my job which is so freaking bittersweet. Mainly, because for the first time ever, I have the Bosses and owners begging me to stay and that feels good, because every other job all the higher-ups have given a shit or even taken a interest on how I've done my job. If i compare Nordstom to this place...i mean shit I dodnt make as much money here, but at least i am happy. At least I get praise. There is good coaching instead of " nothing you do and nothing you try to fix is good enough" per Manuel Medina. Piece of shit.

as for Beaumont....oh geez. I already know that these people in that town are super fucking lazy. No cares service is bad, no one calls you back, its just a lazy town. So I'm going to have to be really really agressive with finding a job. So far the staffing agency I applied with is HORRIBLE. I mean you apply with them and they dont ever bother calling you back again and then they say, "call our availability line to apply for one of our job listings" I call and its a damn answering machine that says leave your name and phone number. thats it. lame. So I called them and I said, "uh....I see some jobs listed that I want to apply for, is that possible to do through you?" I had a funny feeling they were just humoring me. We'll just have to see. I am just gonna have to get in there and dont stop at anything.

I have hardly seen justin at all this month. like AT all. And tomorrow is our 1 year anniversary. I feel a little like we have drifted apart and I know its because we havent seen each other that much. He's always got a disk golf tournament, and the last time he didnt visit for a weekend it was because we were supposed to go to san antonio together for his friends birthday and I couldnt end up going but he ended up going anyway. Which is something he's done before. I shouldnt really get mad, but i do. I get my feelings hurt more like it. I would stick around for him most of the tiem and alot of times I feel like I'm IN this more than he is. Which leads me to my next point. I was going through some of my old shit and came across a journal I wrote in from like 02-03' and duuuude that was the worst time in my life so far. I was so unhappy and I was overweight, broke still at my parents and still always in trouble with my parents and I was dating guys that were so HORRIBLE to me. And this journal I read it and I hold it close to me now cuz I see how much I've changed and figured shit out for myself and in it, it says, "I just wanna meet a guy who is totally into me, is funny like me, dresses like me, likes the same shit as me and talks as much as me" well aside from justin's adventures without he couldnt be more perfect for me. I when iget upset I forget how lucky I am to have him and not everyone will get to have someone that special in their lives. So in short its all about life lessons. And I'm learning them. And couldnt be more happy right now.