Wednesday, May 16, 2012

On becoming a Mom

Its been a long time since Ive updated. I have dreamt of having this fun mom blog since I was pregnant with Violet and of course I never expected how I would feel afterwards and what I would go through.

Violet is now 8 months and and thriving more and more every day. I look at her and thank god that she's here. But I'm going to be honest, everything outside of being a mother and a wife the past five months has sort of a nightmare. I have dealt with post partum, and then dealing with that and then going back to work was not a good mix. Everyone hopes that when they go back to work you are blessed to be surrounded with good natured understanding people, even more of a bonus people who are also mamas and mamas who are familiar what it is like to go back to work after having a little one. But unfortunately, I went back to alot of heartless people who seemed like they had no sense of priority for their own families. Having a baby has completed changed my priorities...I dont stay at work late without getting paid for it, I use my lunch breaks because that ONE hour is the only me time i get these days, I keep my phone out at all times just in case daycare calls me with an emergency, my weekends and nights consist of strictly my daughter and husband, and I dont party and rarely get to watch tv. But all these things, I felt like I was being shit on for it by my employer. So, mix that with some post partum depression and what do you get? A total nightmare. Every day I was waking up dreading with the next 10 hours held for until I could get back home to my family. My boss was extremely nasty throughout my whole experience of going ack to work. I explained my new emotional condition but instead of working with me she worked against me. All I can say is that I spoke to god and he paved the way for me to finally leave my current career and next week will be my final week with the company that 21 months ago I totally thought I would be with forever. Now I plan on never looking back and turning over a new leaf with a new position which honestly wont have as much responsibility, (god knows right now I need less than more right now) and I feel that I can go in do my job and just be HAPPY. Which is what Ive always wanted to do. 

As for now I have eight more days (not including weekends) to deal with this current job. I have left an employer before, but its weird everywhere else I have had a tiny bit of remorse or at least certain people or things about that job that i would miss. But this time, I know I wont miss anything. I'm looking forward to being able to see more of my little family growing and changing, and Violet is so close to being 1 year old already!!! I just honestly havent been able to even breath for the last five months, and alot of people dont realize (or remember) how much of a life changing experience it is to become a mother. I want to blog more too!! And as soon as I leave my current job, I plan on opeing the bucket of worms to recount this crappy experience.

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